Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Online Reviews and Information: The Fine Art of Appreciation
Online Reviews and Information: The Fine Art of Appreciation: by Dr. Jeffrey Lant We live in a world of constant carping, unending complaining, where “nary is heard a discouraging word” is long dead...
The Fine Art of Appreciation
by Dr. Jeffrey Lant
We live in a world of constant carping,
unending complaining, where “nary is
heard a discouraging word” is long dead.
Instead, the order of the day is grouse, groan,
gripe. If you listen to the person on the
street, nothing is ever right; everything is
always wrong.
Whether this is true or not (and it isn’t),
the plain truth is: it’s time to make a
concerted effort to thank the folks who
do things right. THEY are an endangered
species, and they need all the help they can get.
1) Resolve to appreciate
Now, too many people go out in search of
what’s wrong. Let’s flip that and resolve to
seek what’s right. This doesn’t and shouldn’t
mean that we don’t see and deal with the
bad. However, it does mean that we take
a more balanced approach: to see and root
out what’s wrong… but equally to see and laud
what’s good.
2) Compliment good service… at once
When was the last time that someone, a
fellow human being, did something nice for
you… and you let the moment pass without
uttering a few good words? The truth is, it
happens all the time. Someone made an
extra effort for you… went that extra mile…
and you said NOTHING! In the famous line,
that makes YOU part of the problem!
Be it resolved: whenever anyone does
anything nice for you, make it a point to
compliment the good deed doer. At once.
3) Send a note.
Good words are nice. But in our time-pressed
world, if you really want to compliment good
service and make an impresssion, send a note.
Do it the old-fashioned way, the way your
mother taught you. Use your personal stationery
(you do have some, don’t you) and write a
personal note. Then stick a stamp on it and mail.
Yours will be the first such note the recipient
has received in months… or even years… and
will be valued accordingly.
Note: e-mailing a message is nice, but
because e-mail is so prevalent (and because
most e-mails that people send are poorly
spelled and otherwise replete with error),
e-mails have less of the impact you desire.
And text messages have even less.
4) Notify a supervisor.
Were you the recipient of something very nice
indeed? Then don’t just compliment the good
deed do-er; notify her employer, too.
People in authority constantly complain that
it’s difficult to find good workers. For such
people your good words are like gold, helping
them sort out the better personnel from the
rest. Since yours may be the only such message
received, it will have a significant impact.
Take a moment, therefore, to call the company
where the good deed do-er works. Get the name
and address of the company owner, ceo, president,
or supervisor. Ask for their e-mail address, too.
Then either mail or e-mail a brief but focused
note. Make sure you include the full name of the
employee who helped you. Make your message
short, clear, upbeat. Don’t be surprised if you get
a nice response to you note; such messages are
always most welcome. (You may even get a
little token of appreciation yourself!)
5) When the deed is REALLY meritorious
There are times in life when a note, no matter
how flattering, is not enough. I think, for
instance, of when I took ill in a restaurant
one festive evening… and how helpful the
staff was. For them something more was
required… and a lavish bouquet with accompanying
note… was immediately dispatched. For such events,
I have an account with a local florist. You’ll find
that useful, too.
6) Tell a friend
ALL businesses appreciate the value of word-of-
mouth advertising. Sadly, ten times as many people
tell friends about the things that go wrong than
the ones which go right. Make sure you help lower
these odds by passing on the good things, not
just the bad.
Make a concerted effort, the next time you receive
good service, to tell a friend. And make sure
the person so informed mentions this recommendation
when they ask for the service themselves. The
recipients of the good word will be glad to know
they’re being favorably discussed.
7) Answer customer surveys
Businesses need to know how they’re doing. Thus
when you’ve been the recipient of something
good, don’t withhold this crucial information;
make sure to complete survey questionnaires
so the company knows.
Companies know you’re busy. Thus, they
usually make such surveys short and sweet.
5-10 minutes is all that’s required on your
part. There is usually a “comments” section;
if so, be SURE to mention the name of the
person who was good to you. This useful
information will certainly be noted.
Last Words
By following these steps, you will assuredly
lighten steps, generate smiles, and encourage
the good to continue their winning ways.
After all, despite all the undoubted bad in
the world, we are all, yes every one of us,
the recipient of good. Our job is to foster
and encourage it. Now you know how!
We live in a world of constant carping,
unending complaining, where “nary is
heard a discouraging word” is long dead.
Instead, the order of the day is grouse, groan,
gripe. If you listen to the person on the
street, nothing is ever right; everything is
always wrong.
Whether this is true or not (and it isn’t),
the plain truth is: it’s time to make a
concerted effort to thank the folks who
do things right. THEY are an endangered
species, and they need all the help they can get.
1) Resolve to appreciate
Now, too many people go out in search of
what’s wrong. Let’s flip that and resolve to
seek what’s right. This doesn’t and shouldn’t
mean that we don’t see and deal with the
bad. However, it does mean that we take
a more balanced approach: to see and root
out what’s wrong… but equally to see and laud
what’s good.
2) Compliment good service… at once
When was the last time that someone, a
fellow human being, did something nice for
you… and you let the moment pass without
uttering a few good words? The truth is, it
happens all the time. Someone made an
extra effort for you… went that extra mile…
and you said NOTHING! In the famous line,
that makes YOU part of the problem!
Be it resolved: whenever anyone does
anything nice for you, make it a point to
compliment the good deed doer. At once.
3) Send a note.
Good words are nice. But in our time-pressed
world, if you really want to compliment good
service and make an impresssion, send a note.
Do it the old-fashioned way, the way your
mother taught you. Use your personal stationery
(you do have some, don’t you) and write a
personal note. Then stick a stamp on it and mail.
Yours will be the first such note the recipient
has received in months… or even years… and
will be valued accordingly.
Note: e-mailing a message is nice, but
because e-mail is so prevalent (and because
most e-mails that people send are poorly
spelled and otherwise replete with error),
e-mails have less of the impact you desire.
And text messages have even less.
4) Notify a supervisor.
Were you the recipient of something very nice
indeed? Then don’t just compliment the good
deed do-er; notify her employer, too.
People in authority constantly complain that
it’s difficult to find good workers. For such
people your good words are like gold, helping
them sort out the better personnel from the
rest. Since yours may be the only such message
received, it will have a significant impact.
Take a moment, therefore, to call the company
where the good deed do-er works. Get the name
and address of the company owner, ceo, president,
or supervisor. Ask for their e-mail address, too.
Then either mail or e-mail a brief but focused
note. Make sure you include the full name of the
employee who helped you. Make your message
short, clear, upbeat. Don’t be surprised if you get
a nice response to you note; such messages are
always most welcome. (You may even get a
little token of appreciation yourself!)
5) When the deed is REALLY meritorious
There are times in life when a note, no matter
how flattering, is not enough. I think, for
instance, of when I took ill in a restaurant
one festive evening… and how helpful the
staff was. For them something more was
required… and a lavish bouquet with accompanying
note… was immediately dispatched. For such events,
I have an account with a local florist. You’ll find
that useful, too.
6) Tell a friend
ALL businesses appreciate the value of word-of-
mouth advertising. Sadly, ten times as many people
tell friends about the things that go wrong than
the ones which go right. Make sure you help lower
these odds by passing on the good things, not
just the bad.
Make a concerted effort, the next time you receive
good service, to tell a friend. And make sure
the person so informed mentions this recommendation
when they ask for the service themselves. The
recipients of the good word will be glad to know
they’re being favorably discussed.
7) Answer customer surveys
Businesses need to know how they’re doing. Thus
when you’ve been the recipient of something
good, don’t withhold this crucial information;
make sure to complete survey questionnaires
so the company knows.
Companies know you’re busy. Thus, they
usually make such surveys short and sweet.
5-10 minutes is all that’s required on your
part. There is usually a “comments” section;
if so, be SURE to mention the name of the
person who was good to you. This useful
information will certainly be noted.
Last Words
By following these steps, you will assuredly
lighten steps, generate smiles, and encourage
the good to continue their winning ways.
After all, despite all the undoubted bad in
the world, we are all, yes every one of us,
the recipient of good. Our job is to foster
and encourage it. Now you know how!
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Online Reviews and Information: Thoughts on the common cold. Read this. Keep this....
Online Reviews and Information: Thoughts on the common cold. Read this. Keep this....: by Dr. Jeffrey Lant For the last four days, I have been engaged with a malady I know well… and so do you: the common cold. It is by far t...
Thoughts on the common cold. Read this. Keep this. Your next cold is on the way!
by Dr. Jeffrey Lant
For the last four days, I have been engaged with a malady I know well… and so do you: the common cold. It is by far the most frequent infectious disease in humans.
We know that each of us adults contracts two to four infections a year. The average child contracts 6-12. At any given time, one or more of your office colleagues has reported in sick with a cold… or one or more of your children are down with one… or a friend… neighbor… fellow congregant, etc… or you. The minute the person now afflicted with a cold recovers… the indefatigable virus moves on, with split second precision, to its next victim. In other words, within your circles of life the common cold is always present, always flourishing.
Four days ago it became (as was bound to happen) my turn, and the cold immediately took precedence over every other task or consideration, thereby firmly establishing that common did not mean insignificant.
Over the last 100 hours, I have been
* hopeful that my own special procedures would nip it in the bud (they didn’t);
* drowned in fluids of every kind.
* an eating machine with my mantra the one my grandmother gave me over 60 years ago, “feed a cold, starve a fever”; so I am eating and eating and eating more. What was self indulgence a minute before the cold was apparent, now is self preservation.
* sleeping. I am ordinarily a person of unquenchable energies… but in the last 4 days I have found fluffing my pillows too enervating… sleep is the sovereign remedy. I have indulged myself accordingly.
* coughing. My hacks and wheezes are now public property. Try as I might to control them, they know full well they control me and make a mockery of any attempt to control what they do and where they do it. I walk out with my head bowed and eyes down, hoping (but failing) that no one will know that I am a social menace.
All readers of this article will peruse the above list and recognize in my actions, what they, too, do when ensnared by the bug. We are all prisoners, and we are glad to know what others have done not merely to mitigate the symptoms and manifestations, but to eradicate them forever by doing…
We have been told for our entire lives by every general practitioner worth his salt that there is nothing, absolutely nothing that will cure a cold. We hear this… but, secretly, we do not believe this. Our wallets get emptied as we try one medicament after another in the always hopeful but entirely vain search for The Cure to the Common Cold.
We acknowledge the power of the common cold, but each time we confront it we start by being hopeful, optimistic that this bout will be short and sweet, an event which does muddle our life and schedule, to be sure, but does not cripple and bring us to our knees. This time we feel sure the cold will be minimal, under control; after all, we have been here, done this dozens of times before. As a result, our outlook is cheery, optimistic. This time we are sure we will defeat this nonchalant invader.
But we are, as usual, wrong.
The cold is common but its pervasive power enables it to defeat each of us in quite unique ways. The cold knows us; we hardly begin to know the cold. That is to the cold’s liking and satisfaction.
In short order, therefore, our initial (unwarranted) optimism has drained away, leaving us prey to the nagging suspicion that this could be The Big One, the one that strips away our strengths and resources, our energies, and our hopes, strong in only one thing, our grudging respect for the cold, our master, lingering, happy to own us.
At this moment, we call upon the unshakeable, unassailable wisdom of Grannie. She knew, we know, a thing or two about the menace and diminution of colds… and we need her skills desperately, now and at once.
It is chicken soup time, again. But we cannot call upon this proven power until we have assuaged the Spirit of Grannie, for here, as in so many ways, each of us has wandered from the tried and true. We have given insufficient attention (and hasty too) to the many ways that Grannie could help us if only we would remember her, her eruditions, her admonitions, her tried and true practices and ways. We stand abashed before her. We need her so, not just now. We must admit as much; then the rich libation, the succor of grannies worldwide and throughout the ages, will be made, in liberal portions too, to each of us, sinning, but (as always) forgiven.
We gulp this golden liquid down, manners forgotten. It warms… it soothes… it fails, for no matter how deep our belief in this ministration, sadly Grannie has met her match in the common cold. We are left to digest this horrifying, startling fact as best we can.
We have known this before, but each time we learn it anew, we are shocked. This is not the benevolent world we imagined…
And so we descend into the vast wasteland, mandated by the cold, of boredom, listlessness, despair. The cold, secure, owns us. And dictates that time, ordinarily fleet, shall be torpid, unremunerative, dull.
So this condition, over which we have utterly no power or control, continues for 7 to 10 days, our humiliation completed by the frequency and severity of the coughs, sore throats, runny noses, and fevers that assail us and hold us in their thrall.
You have been healthy, the cold proclaims; now you must pay for that transgression.
And so we do, the hours scarce moving at all. All semblance of normality quite gone.
The cold demands as much from all its servitors, and we obey as we survey and go down before the cold’s fearful panoply: conjunctivitis (pink eye), muscle aches, fatigue, headaches, shivering, and loss of appetite. We would sign a document of Unconditional Surrender, but we are never told where to send it. The cold wants no document; it only wants our very souls.
Thus we, and I mean every one of us, wile away the unpleasant, interminable hours. We may, we think we are, moving towards normality and welcome health, but the pace is infinitesimal, or worse.
As penance we remind ourselves of what we must do to avoid this almost unbearable condition in future. We shall not touch eyes, nose or mouth with contaminated fingers. We will avoid spending time in an enclosed area with an infected person. We will stop smoking at once, for that extends the duration of the illness by at least 3 additional days. And all the other good advice we mean to follow assiduously if we are ever released…
… until we one day, one glorious day, a day of joy and merriment, we feel like ourselves again. And life is good. We are coldless.
Of course, we don’t adhere to the many sensible procedures necessary to sharply reduce the number of “common” colds we get, their severity and length. Instead, we simply revert to the insouciant person we were and have always been. But this, you see, is not our decision, for in so doing we acknowledge that the cold itself erases our memories and good resolutions.
Otherwise, the cold, always delighting in our debilitated conditions, might not see us so situated quite so often.
And this would never, never do, for the common cold rejoices in its visits, even if we do not.
For the last four days, I have been engaged with a malady I know well… and so do you: the common cold. It is by far the most frequent infectious disease in humans.
We know that each of us adults contracts two to four infections a year. The average child contracts 6-12. At any given time, one or more of your office colleagues has reported in sick with a cold… or one or more of your children are down with one… or a friend… neighbor… fellow congregant, etc… or you. The minute the person now afflicted with a cold recovers… the indefatigable virus moves on, with split second precision, to its next victim. In other words, within your circles of life the common cold is always present, always flourishing.
Four days ago it became (as was bound to happen) my turn, and the cold immediately took precedence over every other task or consideration, thereby firmly establishing that common did not mean insignificant.
Over the last 100 hours, I have been
* hopeful that my own special procedures would nip it in the bud (they didn’t);
* drowned in fluids of every kind.
* an eating machine with my mantra the one my grandmother gave me over 60 years ago, “feed a cold, starve a fever”; so I am eating and eating and eating more. What was self indulgence a minute before the cold was apparent, now is self preservation.
* sleeping. I am ordinarily a person of unquenchable energies… but in the last 4 days I have found fluffing my pillows too enervating… sleep is the sovereign remedy. I have indulged myself accordingly.
* coughing. My hacks and wheezes are now public property. Try as I might to control them, they know full well they control me and make a mockery of any attempt to control what they do and where they do it. I walk out with my head bowed and eyes down, hoping (but failing) that no one will know that I am a social menace.
All readers of this article will peruse the above list and recognize in my actions, what they, too, do when ensnared by the bug. We are all prisoners, and we are glad to know what others have done not merely to mitigate the symptoms and manifestations, but to eradicate them forever by doing…
We have been told for our entire lives by every general practitioner worth his salt that there is nothing, absolutely nothing that will cure a cold. We hear this… but, secretly, we do not believe this. Our wallets get emptied as we try one medicament after another in the always hopeful but entirely vain search for The Cure to the Common Cold.
We acknowledge the power of the common cold, but each time we confront it we start by being hopeful, optimistic that this bout will be short and sweet, an event which does muddle our life and schedule, to be sure, but does not cripple and bring us to our knees. This time we feel sure the cold will be minimal, under control; after all, we have been here, done this dozens of times before. As a result, our outlook is cheery, optimistic. This time we are sure we will defeat this nonchalant invader.
But we are, as usual, wrong.
The cold is common but its pervasive power enables it to defeat each of us in quite unique ways. The cold knows us; we hardly begin to know the cold. That is to the cold’s liking and satisfaction.
In short order, therefore, our initial (unwarranted) optimism has drained away, leaving us prey to the nagging suspicion that this could be The Big One, the one that strips away our strengths and resources, our energies, and our hopes, strong in only one thing, our grudging respect for the cold, our master, lingering, happy to own us.
At this moment, we call upon the unshakeable, unassailable wisdom of Grannie. She knew, we know, a thing or two about the menace and diminution of colds… and we need her skills desperately, now and at once.
It is chicken soup time, again. But we cannot call upon this proven power until we have assuaged the Spirit of Grannie, for here, as in so many ways, each of us has wandered from the tried and true. We have given insufficient attention (and hasty too) to the many ways that Grannie could help us if only we would remember her, her eruditions, her admonitions, her tried and true practices and ways. We stand abashed before her. We need her so, not just now. We must admit as much; then the rich libation, the succor of grannies worldwide and throughout the ages, will be made, in liberal portions too, to each of us, sinning, but (as always) forgiven.
We gulp this golden liquid down, manners forgotten. It warms… it soothes… it fails, for no matter how deep our belief in this ministration, sadly Grannie has met her match in the common cold. We are left to digest this horrifying, startling fact as best we can.
We have known this before, but each time we learn it anew, we are shocked. This is not the benevolent world we imagined…
And so we descend into the vast wasteland, mandated by the cold, of boredom, listlessness, despair. The cold, secure, owns us. And dictates that time, ordinarily fleet, shall be torpid, unremunerative, dull.
So this condition, over which we have utterly no power or control, continues for 7 to 10 days, our humiliation completed by the frequency and severity of the coughs, sore throats, runny noses, and fevers that assail us and hold us in their thrall.
You have been healthy, the cold proclaims; now you must pay for that transgression.
And so we do, the hours scarce moving at all. All semblance of normality quite gone.
The cold demands as much from all its servitors, and we obey as we survey and go down before the cold’s fearful panoply: conjunctivitis (pink eye), muscle aches, fatigue, headaches, shivering, and loss of appetite. We would sign a document of Unconditional Surrender, but we are never told where to send it. The cold wants no document; it only wants our very souls.
Thus we, and I mean every one of us, wile away the unpleasant, interminable hours. We may, we think we are, moving towards normality and welcome health, but the pace is infinitesimal, or worse.
As penance we remind ourselves of what we must do to avoid this almost unbearable condition in future. We shall not touch eyes, nose or mouth with contaminated fingers. We will avoid spending time in an enclosed area with an infected person. We will stop smoking at once, for that extends the duration of the illness by at least 3 additional days. And all the other good advice we mean to follow assiduously if we are ever released…
… until we one day, one glorious day, a day of joy and merriment, we feel like ourselves again. And life is good. We are coldless.
Of course, we don’t adhere to the many sensible procedures necessary to sharply reduce the number of “common” colds we get, their severity and length. Instead, we simply revert to the insouciant person we were and have always been. But this, you see, is not our decision, for in so doing we acknowledge that the cold itself erases our memories and good resolutions.
Otherwise, the cold, always delighting in our debilitated conditions, might not see us so situated quite so often.
And this would never, never do, for the common cold rejoices in its visits, even if we do not.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Online Reviews and Information: Your lousy communication skills are hurting yourse...
Online Reviews and Information: Your lousy communication skills are hurting yourse...: by Dr. Jeffrey Lant It’s time to call a spade a spade. We are members of the most communications savvy and personally wired generation e...
Your lousy communication skills are hurting yourself and others. Here’s what you need to do at once.
by Dr. Jeffrey Lant
It’s time to call a spade a spade. We are members of the
most communications savvy and personally wired
generation ever. Even the tiniest mite has her cell
phone with camera. Yet the truth is, the explosion
of communications tools has produced less real
communication than ever; you and your poor
communications skills are one of the culprits. Listen
up! After all, it’s time your communication skills
improved to the level of your communications tools.
The quality of communications is not strained…
You, being an educated soul, are no doubt
familiar with Portia’s famous speech:
The quality of mercy is not strain’d,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
(The Merchant of Venice. Act 4, scene 1.)
Bold and even impious, I now advise you (while great
Shakespeare rolls in his grave) to change the
word “mercy” to “communications,” thus:
The quality of communications is not strain’d…
it is twice blessed…”
And so it is. Good communications are good for
the recipient and for the sender too.
You know this… but you do not act accordingly.
Which is why this (shall we say) motivating article
is so necessary and why you should take every
single word to heart and make radical adjustments
in your lamentable behavior.
Poor communicators (with the probability strong
that you are one of them) exhibit these traits:
Arrogance. The human animal is a selfish animal,
conceived in selfishness and nurtured in the belief
that the Great Me, the universe-centered I Am is the
most important animal anywhere at any time. As a
result, this animal well and truly believes that she
is so important that others must feel grateful, even when
the communication is not returned. Oh, my!
People (like you?) who do not communicate effectively
are people who are telling others, clear as crystal, that
they are superior to you; that their time is more valuable
than yours… and that these lesser folk need wait (and happily so)
and wait and wait some more until you condescend to
respond.
Such people by their behavior and non responsiveness
clearly indicate that you and your concerns are, by
definition, of infinitely less consideration than theirs.
And that you’d best be glad for the little you get, for
it is infinitely more than you deserve.
Poor communicators are slothful.
Good communicators, effective communicators
realize that the business of communicating is like
a tennis match. The ball must always be in motion
between the communicator and those he wishes to
communicate with. When the ball stops moving,
the communication stops with it. The person who
has stopped the communicating process is , by
definition, the lazy, inhibiting one.
All too often the communication stops and is
not extended because of unadulterated sloth.
It takes work to communicate… it takes work
to conceive a message and deliver that message.
It takes work to be prepared and move matters to
their next stage. However the slothful communicator
can and does think of a myriad of “reasons” why
he can obliterate the communications process
without remorse. Thus he goes blithely on with
his affairs while others, fuming, apply language
which is ever more blue as time passes and their
legitimate reasons for communicating go without
any response whatsoever. Oh, my!
A special cycle of hell
For the intractable, for the miscreants arrogant
and slothful who will not change, an idea: for them:
a special cycle of hell wherein they are asked such
questions as “are you hungry?” or “are you feeling
hot and uncomfortable?” These hungry and uncomfortable
miscreants answer and answer and answer. But
response comes there none, ever. Delicious.
Help for the socially challenged and shy johns
and janes everywhere.
Yet is the world of the non communicators made up
solely and exclusively of the arrogant and slothful?
Certainly not. It is also, and in significant numbers, the
preserve of the shy, the timid, the socially malaprop,
and untutored.
For them a single word: study.
There is one thing and only one thing which sets
us apart and elevated from animals of every kind
and place… and that one thing is communicating.
So, if you truly wish to learn, improve and foster
rather than retard communications, here is what
you must learn and do.
1) Learn empathy, that crucial ability to enter
into the minds and hearts of the people you are to
communicate with. What is it they are expecting
from you? Deliver that, to the furthest extent
possible, and you have the essential element of
success.
2) Be prompt about responding. In an age of
instant communications, there can be absolutely
no reason for delayed or no response at all
except your own failure to provide it. The means
are at hand; use them “as quick as boiled
asparagus.” And that’s very fast!
3) Be clear on where you can be reached.
Assume the person you are communicating
with does not have this vital intelligence. State
it clearly, thoroughly… and reiterate to avoid any
confusion whatsoever.
4) Be willing to try again if the person you
are trying to reach (even if that person initiated
the communication) fails to respond. Remember,
empathy is the basis for successful communications.
5) Above all else, never stop improving your
knowledge of communication and its techniques.
In this golden age of communications, the
overwhelming majority of loaves and fishes
will go to the communicating elite… those who make
it a point to master communications and steadily
enhance their knowledge and expertise. Make
that person you!
Give this article to the communicating challenged.
They need it so.
Your last task for today is to give a copy of this
article to every substandard and inadequate
communicator you can. The task at hand, training
communicators and enhancing their skills, is a
lifetime affair. Start it now. There is so very much
to do and so many who need the help.
It’s time to call a spade a spade. We are members of the
most communications savvy and personally wired
generation ever. Even the tiniest mite has her cell
phone with camera. Yet the truth is, the explosion
of communications tools has produced less real
communication than ever; you and your poor
communications skills are one of the culprits. Listen
up! After all, it’s time your communication skills
improved to the level of your communications tools.
The quality of communications is not strained…
You, being an educated soul, are no doubt
familiar with Portia’s famous speech:
The quality of mercy is not strain’d,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
(The Merchant of Venice. Act 4, scene 1.)
Bold and even impious, I now advise you (while great
Shakespeare rolls in his grave) to change the
word “mercy” to “communications,” thus:
The quality of communications is not strain’d…
it is twice blessed…”
And so it is. Good communications are good for
the recipient and for the sender too.
You know this… but you do not act accordingly.
Which is why this (shall we say) motivating article
is so necessary and why you should take every
single word to heart and make radical adjustments
in your lamentable behavior.
Poor communicators (with the probability strong
that you are one of them) exhibit these traits:
Arrogance. The human animal is a selfish animal,
conceived in selfishness and nurtured in the belief
that the Great Me, the universe-centered I Am is the
most important animal anywhere at any time. As a
result, this animal well and truly believes that she
is so important that others must feel grateful, even when
the communication is not returned. Oh, my!
People (like you?) who do not communicate effectively
are people who are telling others, clear as crystal, that
they are superior to you; that their time is more valuable
than yours… and that these lesser folk need wait (and happily so)
and wait and wait some more until you condescend to
respond.
Such people by their behavior and non responsiveness
clearly indicate that you and your concerns are, by
definition, of infinitely less consideration than theirs.
And that you’d best be glad for the little you get, for
it is infinitely more than you deserve.
Poor communicators are slothful.
Good communicators, effective communicators
realize that the business of communicating is like
a tennis match. The ball must always be in motion
between the communicator and those he wishes to
communicate with. When the ball stops moving,
the communication stops with it. The person who
has stopped the communicating process is , by
definition, the lazy, inhibiting one.
All too often the communication stops and is
not extended because of unadulterated sloth.
It takes work to communicate… it takes work
to conceive a message and deliver that message.
It takes work to be prepared and move matters to
their next stage. However the slothful communicator
can and does think of a myriad of “reasons” why
he can obliterate the communications process
without remorse. Thus he goes blithely on with
his affairs while others, fuming, apply language
which is ever more blue as time passes and their
legitimate reasons for communicating go without
any response whatsoever. Oh, my!
A special cycle of hell
For the intractable, for the miscreants arrogant
and slothful who will not change, an idea: for them:
a special cycle of hell wherein they are asked such
questions as “are you hungry?” or “are you feeling
hot and uncomfortable?” These hungry and uncomfortable
miscreants answer and answer and answer. But
response comes there none, ever. Delicious.
Help for the socially challenged and shy johns
and janes everywhere.
Yet is the world of the non communicators made up
solely and exclusively of the arrogant and slothful?
Certainly not. It is also, and in significant numbers, the
preserve of the shy, the timid, the socially malaprop,
and untutored.
For them a single word: study.
There is one thing and only one thing which sets
us apart and elevated from animals of every kind
and place… and that one thing is communicating.
So, if you truly wish to learn, improve and foster
rather than retard communications, here is what
you must learn and do.
1) Learn empathy, that crucial ability to enter
into the minds and hearts of the people you are to
communicate with. What is it they are expecting
from you? Deliver that, to the furthest extent
possible, and you have the essential element of
success.
2) Be prompt about responding. In an age of
instant communications, there can be absolutely
no reason for delayed or no response at all
except your own failure to provide it. The means
are at hand; use them “as quick as boiled
asparagus.” And that’s very fast!
3) Be clear on where you can be reached.
Assume the person you are communicating
with does not have this vital intelligence. State
it clearly, thoroughly… and reiterate to avoid any
confusion whatsoever.
4) Be willing to try again if the person you
are trying to reach (even if that person initiated
the communication) fails to respond. Remember,
empathy is the basis for successful communications.
5) Above all else, never stop improving your
knowledge of communication and its techniques.
In this golden age of communications, the
overwhelming majority of loaves and fishes
will go to the communicating elite… those who make
it a point to master communications and steadily
enhance their knowledge and expertise. Make
that person you!
Give this article to the communicating challenged.
They need it so.
Your last task for today is to give a copy of this
article to every substandard and inadequate
communicator you can. The task at hand, training
communicators and enhancing their skills, is a
lifetime affair. Start it now. There is so very much
to do and so many who need the help.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
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